You know what I think is getting a little ridiculous? People being offended by other races/religions celebrating different types of events over the holidays. I would not be offended if we had a Jewish Prime Minister who lit a Menorah in the Legislature. It doesn’t mean we’re a Jewish province. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal that Christmas trees go up around the city around the holiday season. Who cares who put it up? It’s not affecting your life if there’s a lit up tree in front of City Hall, at Disneyland or in my living room. I guess if I put crazy amounts of lights on my tree and you were having problems sleeping I would probably listen to your complaints (or not at all, it’s Christmas, get over it). There are lots of options for finding your perfect tree, and since this is basically a website about trees that’s what I’m going to talk about.
FINDING YOUR OWN CHRISTMAS TREE
A lot of people in forest communities across Alberta go and cut their own Christmas trees down. You just go to the closest Sustainable Resource Development office, pick up a $5 permit and hike through the woods in search of the perfect tree. This is pretty time intensive, especially if you don’t have a chainsaw, but from what I hear it’s a good time. As part of a forestry fundraiser in University we sold real Christmas trees on campus. It was pretty entertaining watching a family come in and them fighting over which was the right tree out of the hundreds we had. I can’t even imagine the battle over the thousands of trees in the bush.
THE TREE LOT
Running the Christmas tree lot as a fundraiser was a great time. Trees are actually really expensive to buy from a lot, making the fake tree a lot more popular than it once was. We basically had 4 types of trees:
1) The nice smelling one
Balsam fir trees are the most popular Christmas tree. They’re full, really dark green, have soft needles and smell all kinds of delicious. Downside is they’re often so full that it’s hard to get the decorations on them.
2) The Charlie Brown tree
These are definitely Douglas fir. The branches are spindly and have lots of needles. The tree is often tall and skinny. You can only hang a few decorations because they don’t branch out that well. They’re also the cheapest trees on the lot and still look bare after you decorate them. You kind of end up emotionally attached to them for some reason. Probably out of pity.
3) The tree that won’t stand up straight
These are the Scot’s pine. They usually grow in a boomerang shape but have a nice colour so sometimes people choose these only to take them home and have to prop them up in the corner because they won’t stand up right in the tree stand.
4) The all-around tree
White spruce are the “jack of all trade” type of tree. They smell a little bit, they’re dark green and they’re moderately full and straight. Major downside is the needles are really pointy and I always have an allergic reaction to them.
THE FAKE IMITATION TREE
The fake trees are pretty common these days. They look pretty natural and you can even get scent tubes for them so that it really smells like Christmas. One of my friends had the idea last week of putting a febreeze spray right in the tree and having it go off every time you walk by. Only kind of related sidenote, how bad do you feel when there’s one of those automatic scent dispensers in public bathrooms and they’re just going to town spraying while you’re doing your business? Back to the fake trees, you don’t have to water them or vacuum constantly so they’re very low maintenance. Having a fake tree is a one time payment which is nice, but it’s definitely not as much fun. It might even be considered “selling out” if you’re a forester. I’m a sellout.
THE HIGH TECH LIGHT UP “TREE”
I think these trees look ridiculous. They’re expensive, you don’t get to decorate them, and I’m pretty sure they cause all kinds of seizures. My grandma has one and she loves it.
THE HOLIDAY SUMMARY
This holiday, weather you light up a tree, a Menorah, a Yuletide log or just a bunch of cigarettes (this is not condoned by the AFPA by the way), or maybe you wrestle around the aluminum Festivus Pole (please, please see below video). I hope you have a good holiday season. Even if you do nothing special around this time of year hopefully you can spend some time with family. If you did something stupid at the company Christmas party and are currently looking for a job, check out the Work Wild job postings for multiple sweet careers doing pretty much whatever you want. You could probably even get a free Christmas tree out of the deal.